BECAUSE I CAN. XD
Kyoko One Liners:
Armani: Smell like a gay ocean.
Bitches, GO HOME!
I CAN’T MATH!
Hitosagashi: So you're a girl who claims to be a guy whose trying harder to look like a girl but only wants to be a guy but likes guys.
me: XD I'm...gay?
**F!Katherine walks in to find Terry and Matt in bed together**
Katherine: "KJFosdkjf. KSjf. :FJs? lfjdsof!"
Katherine: "..........*sits in floor* Carry on.")
Quotes from Corisu Li:
Lady on TV: "Peeps are still the most popular non-chocolate Easter candy!"
Me: "...are there ANY other non-chocolate Easter candies?"
Angela: "So, she just said that they're the smartest kid with Down's Syndrome."
James and Jaccavrie: *arguing about the pronunciation of cheese*
Jaccavrie: "Seee, it's queso!" *touches bowl of melted cheese to my arm*
Me: "Ew, don't touch me with it!"
James: "It's cheese, not HIV. Or Hepatitis."
Me: "It's Hepatitis Cheese!"
Jaccavrie: "Eww, I had Hepatitis Cheese."
James: "I gave her Hepatitis Cheese. But there's a cream for that. Called Hydroprovolone."
Me: "James, where's your social filter?"
James: "What's a filter? Isn't a social something you eat? I'll have a social with cheese!"
Blijex: "What the fuck is a deer, exactly?"
Hillary summarizes 101 Dalmations: "Oh look, puppies. Oh look, more puppies. Oh snap, where'd the puppies go? Oh look, here are the puppies."
Kires: *coughing uncontrollably*
Az: What is he choking on?
Xeanon: And you're watching?!
Adolph: No. He was like "Don't watch while I choke on these cocks."
Me: *reading fanfiction* Oh, come ON. Darth Vader doesn't GLARE at people! He just kinda wags his head in your general direction and you shit your pants.
(We're in a Japanese restaurant. I've failed to notice that everyone at the table is black... except Amanda.)
Hibachi chef: *looks around the table, then back at Amanda* ...What happened to you?
Amanda: *straight-faced* I drank a lot of bleach as a child.
(We walk out of the restaurant to see that it's now packed, and it's rained while we were in.)
Me: Man, we have impeccable timing. ... Wouldn't that be an awesome superhero name? 'Impeccable Timing Man'.
Amanda: Oh! How about "Oh, but we can't... we don't have a condom!" "Well, kids, I have just what you need!"
Me: "Gee, thank you, Impeccable Timing Man!" "No problem, kids... It's what I do!"
Nick: I haven't been to Disneyworld in years and years and years and years and years and years and years and years... (this continues for about two minutes straight)... and years and years. Since like 2000.
Me: Man, I can't believe I lost a physical trait to a DEER.
Charles: Must have been Bambo.
Best Lance Quote Ever:
Katherine: I’m going to Starbucks. You want anything?
K: What kind of coffee?
L: A latte.
K: What KIND of latte?
L: THE GAYEST ONE THEY HAVE.
More Colbert Report One Liners:
Okay, so you’re saying that if we pass this plan, people won’t die any more.
That’s our plan: people will die. Not everybody, but most people.
Oh, and “donde esta la biblioteca”? I need to find a book about why Mexico sucks.
Oklahoma: The “Life is Short” state.
(on electric cars) Let’s cut to the chase: will this car get me laid?
Everybody knows I love tasers. They’re the Snackwells of weapons.
(about a mother being tased) Now the kids know Mommy can charge their iPods.
Hey Madrid: The rain in Spain falls mainly on YOU SUCK!
Hey Japan: you know why they call you the Land of the Rising Sun? Because the Sun didn’t want to spend the night.
Who puts an f in front of a j? Hey Norwegians: you can go fjuck yourselves!
Fat people are gastrointestinal daredevils!
You won’t turn it down, Miracle Whip? F*ck you.
I just wish the future was here right now so I could punch it!
At what point do you stop asking Delaware…and start asking Dela-why?
Don’t spank my ice cream!
If our houses reflect who we are, wouldn’t they be getting fatter and fatter and less tolerant of other houses?
On Sexiest Man Alive, they did not go to Matthew McCounaghey. THERE IS NO GOD.
Sarah Palin has a 400-page book. It could really do some damage if you threw it at a wolf from a helicopter.
Only 24 more shopping days to accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior. This is the Colbert Report!
(on Newton referencing the Bible) They came up with gravity when the Bible fell out of a tree.
(on bobsledding) I should push things and then get in them for a living!
Bobsled: gay sport…or gayest sport?
And last but not least, something Akimi and I made earlier this year:
THINGS KYO AND I DECIDED WHILE PLAYING MARIO FOREVER FLASH:
· Mario has a whistle in his ass.
· Mario very much deserves to have a whistle in his ass.
· We're going to pull the whistle out of his ass and rape him with it.
· Mario needs an adult.
· Koopa has lizard syphilis.
· Koopa gave Peach lizard syphilis.
· When Mario gets Peach back she's going to give him lizard syphilis.
· The Goombas kill you because they all have gonorrhea.
· They don't kill each other because they all have the same strain of gonorrhea.
· Their first names are all "fucking".
· Mario's going to die by fucking Goombas.
· This game fucking cheats.
· This game hates you and that's why it's cheating.
· Death by Goomba rape.
· Mario is suicidal.
· Mario is wearing bathroom slippers.
· Mario hates you.
· You can't buy shit with fucking coins.
· The coins also hate you.
· I sound like a pterodactyl when enraged.
· I sprained my ass.
· You can actually get stoned off of Mario and sleep deprivation.
· I broke my middle finger and have therefore been rendered mute.